Emotions of My Recovery

I am feeling a little overwhelmed with my knee lately. I am 8 months out of surgery but I feel stuck at the same level of improvement. My insurance only paid for 60 consecutive days of PT for my injury. I was given an exercise plan and have been following it. I was sidetracked a few weeks due to work demands. One day I ran into my PT at a sporting event. She told me that if she did not know that I had surgery she would never be able to tell by the way that I am walking. However, there are still things that I can not do yet and am wondering if I am behind schedule. I began to think back about how felt along the path to recovery.

Fear - This was my first reaction. What have I done to my knee? How bad is it? Will I ever walk again? (In hindsight this was an overreaction but I think I asked the doctor this at least 10 times.)

Denial - I was convinced the injury was not that bad. When my family doctor initially examined my knee I told him that it always moved that way. I was certain that it was only a sprain because I never had knee problems before. I was wrong.

Acceptance - I reached this point when the surgeon said "Get it fixed." Once the word fixed sunk into my brain I realized that my knee would one day be better.

Fear - When I could not do the straight leg lift right after surgery I was afraid. I thought that maybe I would not be able to do what I needed to do to get better.

Acceptance - I circled June 27th on my calander and counted the days until the brace came off.

Depression - This was when I realized that I had to wear a functional brace for a year post surgery.

Frustration - I think this was the most prevalant emotion. I was frustrated that I could not do basic things. I was upset that I could not drive for 6 weeks. Now I am frustrated because I feel I am no longer improving. I even forgot how to skip. My daughter wanted me to skip with her and my legs kind of forgot how. Skipping is not easy with a new ACL.

I have always tried to approach my surgery/recovery with a positive attitude. The weeks before my surgery, I read as many ACL stories as I could find. It seemed that the stories could be divided into two categories - people who said that this was the worst/hardest thing they have ever gone through or people who were at their kids soccer game three days after surgery. I decided that I would be one of the latter. Right now I am having a hard time remaining positive.